Attack on the Black Van

From the spam folder:

Hi,
I am a British soldier currently in Afghanistan. I am with the 40th Regiment Royal Artillery in Afghanistan¹. We hijacked a suspected Van painted black between the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan. The Door gunners sitting behind machine guns in the Black Van² tried shooting at our direction but we lunched a combat backup attack³ on the Black Van none of the Taliban survived the attack.

We discovered other currencies including US dollars of about $ 16 million loaded inside the Black Van with so many types of machine guns. We want to move this money out of this place, before we declare other items in the van to the international press. This place is a war zone you will keep our share pending the end of our assignment here in Afghanistan.
We will take 70%. You take 30%. No strings attached, just help us move it out of Afghanistan, Afghanistan is a war zone. We plan to use secured logistics courier to ship the money out in a large box.⁴
If you can help to receive the box for us, I will send you the full details. Kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication also your contact details. This should be a secret and must be a secret between us.⁵

Respectfully,
Gen Sir David Richards (right)

1. Well, if he claims he's a soldier, who am I to argue?
2. The capitalization is a nice touch. I feel this distinguished "Black Van" could probably do with a trademark symbol as well.
3. If you "lunched an attack" does this mean you called in a fleet of Schwans trucks?
4. Shipping money out in a large box=brilliant!
5. Lips=sealed