Is it wrong to purchase a milkshake blade and a book titled "Lose your Mummy tummy" in the same order?

(Don't answer that.)


Avon calling

So I went to Aldi's yesterday. While in line, a woman struck up a conversation. We joked about not getting a cart (you have to pay 25 cents for a cart and you get your quarter back when you return the cart...but anyway). I said carts tie you down. It is the truth. Plus you tend to buy more with a cart (though Target shopping has taught me how to weigh down a basket).

She asked if I took the day off. I said "No...actually I'm on maternity leave." She eyed my stomach and didn't say anything (I was expecting "where's the baby?" but maybe she thought I was still pregnant? Hopefully not. Anyway.) Somehow we got to the "Do you work for yourself" question. I don't know how it got so personal, it was not a long line and she hemmed and hawed getting to that point. Then came the inevitable "Would you like to?"

We know where this is going, right? Be your own boss, sell (insert product here). Except with those things, you're not your own boss. She passed me her Avon card. But here is the thing--she took a day off. From some kind of job that pays the bills and I am willing to bet it wasn't Avon. Unless you are at the corporate level, harassing people in line at the discount grocery store and going door to door pimping skin so soft is probably not going to pay your mortgage, and even if it does, you're still working for someone else. You're not really the captain of your ship.

If you know me at all, you know I didn't say any of this. I just told her to enjoy the beautiful day.


Night at the Fair

How do you know when you're getting old? When rides feel more like you're cheating some kind of "final destination" type death and less like fun. Yes, we went to the county fair. After perusing the livestock, and consuming ice cream we took our daughter on some of the rides. I tried not to eyeball the distance I was above the ground or think about what might happen if the ride dumped me onto said ground, and whether or not I would survive such a fall. I tried not to think about how often these rides undergo safety inspections. Really, I tried.

Then there is the fair food. I tried not to think about how sanitary some of the food booths were or the cow manure smell that kept wafting around while I attempted to enjoy a root beer float. For the main course, I kept it to a burger, a small Sprite (sans ice) and a few fries. Like I said, old.


Where the earth moves

Yesterday we had an earthquake. I thought it was a gust of wind, but then the house kept shaking. And kept shaking. Aaaand kept shaking. It reminded me of the '89 earthquake (yes, I am taking it back to the 9th grade).

I have felt four earthquakes in my life--2 in California and 2 here. Oddly enough there was one last year and the epicenter was a couple of miles from my house.

Even odder, for all of these quakes, I was in the master bedroom. There is a joke in there somewhere, but I am too slow/lazy/tired to make it.


Turn my headphones down (the unfriending of D.J. Fisticuffs)

I know I have talked about self-promotion before. I don't know why or how things have come to this--if you have completed something you then need to pimp it. The problem with this is the attention goes to the loudest people, not necessarily the best. And there is no way to know if it's good. You can't rely on a critic with similar taste. Instead, what you have is the person who created the work yelling and hollering at you that it's good, or at the very least, informing you that their product (music, books, lecture series, and so on) is coming out so you'd better get in on it.

I just unfriended someone for this. Honestly, I don't remember the guy, but I think we went to college together. Lately he has been talking about his music. It's on iTunes, It's this, its that. On his wall he is soliciting:
FaceBook Homies...I need help! Who is dope at graphic design! And I mean dope...like you know that shit like the back of your hand????

(As an aside...Homies? Dope? People still talk like this?)

The only reason this irks me is because I had a baby last week and among the congratulatory messages on my wall was one from this guy in an effort to make me aware that his music is out. If it has any of the language of that wall post requesting graphic artists, I probably won't be listening. It's back to the Wiggles and ABC's for a few years for me. But also, I just had a baby, idjit. Don't post that crap on my wall and then continue to post the same garbage on everyone else's wall, especially when it appears your friend request was just a way to garner a captive audience to your crap.

And also, when people pimp themselves like this, I tend to think the product is probably, well, not good. Post a sample or something. Let us take a listen before telling us to hurry to iTunes for a purchase (yes, I know you can sample on iTunes, but i don't even want to make that much of an effort). It's much easier to click "unfriend" and move on with my life.