And the subpar film celebration continues...

Well, we watched another gem last night. If you ever wanted to make 89 minutes feel like three hours, watch Megafault. It's the cinematic equivalent of that old saying, "I spent a week in Philadelphia one night."
Disclaimer: feel free to insert any other city you wish to disparage. No offense to anyone who loves Philly, it's the city I heard used in the joke. It's a great town. Cheesesteaks! Brotherly Love! Too much pandering, you say?

This movie contained not just one, but two big names (Brittany Murphy and Eric LaSalle) and (amazingly) they were on screen for most of the movie. I actually think it's genius to have Eric LaSalle in a disaster movie. The guy always looks surprised (which worked well on ER too), so when you have a bunch of scenes involving surprises in the form of the ground opening wide under your feet, and you need someone to convey the shock of it all, he's your guy. Here's where the movie diverted from my general disaster movie plot theory--there was no love interest or romantic tension that would lead you to think that the two leads would live for today and find a few moments of tender luuuuv makin' (or even just a stolen passion-filled kiss. There was an expert, there was the bad seed trying to do right, and the military people (evidently there was no budget for military consultants, judging from the uniforms and vehicles in the movie). There was also a husband, a kid who seemed to exist to look cute and/or exhausted and there was a trucker who believed the best way to deliver his lines was to shout all of them. There was a bad script ("There's an earthquake on our tail," was one of the lines) and bad special effects galore.

I don't know why we watch these things. Maybe we're masochists? Because we like wasting time? I got some good laughs, so it wasn't a total waste. I do remember turning to my husband to say, "I hope this wasn't Brittany Murphy's last movie."

Less than meets the eye

One of the things my husband and I love to do is to purposely watch bad movies. I'm not talking about blockbusters (that are actually really awful) like Armegeddon. I'm talking about Mockbusters like "Snakes on a Train." No, that wasn't a typo. Snakes on a Train, people. Someone took it upon themselves to make a bad movie out of a movie that everyone knew was a bad movie.

Last weekend, we watched "Transmorphers: Fall of Man." The title reminds you of two things. The obvious one--"Transformers." It's like a phonetic switcheroo. You have to think for a second when you say "Transmorphers." It's a word that doesn't even make sense. There is nothing I know of that "transmorphs." Okay, never mind, Google taught me that a Java geek would know about this. But for the other 99.99999% of us, it makes no sense. Next--"The Fall of Man." Well that implies something else, eh? The "Rise of the Machines" maybe?

The "star" of the movie is "Bruce Boxleitner." I actually knew who this was because my sister and I used to watch The Scarecrow and Mrs. King. The most memorable episode involved a helicopter crash where the tail rotor was clipped and the chopper went this way and that on screen. My sister and I were in hysterics. Whoever made this movie probably remembered it too, because there was a scene where something eerily similar occured.

I realize the people making these movies have to know that they're making a bad movie. They skimp on the acting, the writing, the special effects and the sets. It's barely a step above Sweding. They usually have one or two familiar faces among the cast, to be the "draw." Don't get too attached because the draw pulls you in and generally dies shortly afterwards--I guess this is how they rein in the budget even more. Why pay a C or D lister the big bucks for a full feature when you can get a handful of movie extras for pennies? (I realize I just gave away what happened to old Bruce, but trust me, he wasn't key to the plot.)

Characters of such flicks usually include:
-The young fallen hero trying to redeem himself (may have been booted from the military, divorced, fighting a drug/drinking problem or dealing with general down-on-his-luck-edness)
-The female love interest in skimpy clothing
-The highly capable town sheriff
-The scientist/expert/genius/brainiac who can confirm and explain the madness as it unravels
-Somebody in the military who is responsible for the problem and/or tasked with alerting the president
-The nameless extras with minor roles who exist only to be killed off when the monster/virus/computer/mutant/robot/alien/meteor, comet or asteroid/natural disaster strikes/spreads/attacks/hatches and erupts from one's chest or abdomen/goes rogue/spawns/refuses to open the pod bay doors/destroys the city/poisons the water supply/corrupts every system connected to it.

Google revealed that the "film" I watched was actually a prequel. There is a "Transmorphers" movie that shows what happened after Skynet was activated the machines took over. It was also available on Netflix instant watch, but my husband needed a breather. He just can't take these things in large doses. We still have yet to finish "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" starring that other major acting great, Debbie"Deborah" Gibson.

The task at hand

I know I have been slacking lately. I haven't been writing. I've been doing everything BUT writing, actually. I did almost all of the laundry over the weekend. I sorted out some things to be donated. I bought two bags after a bit of a bag buying hiatus (and sent 5 to the donation pile). I took the sheets off the guestroom bed and remade the bed. I have been busy with everything but...writing.

Having a laptop is a curse and a blessing. It can go anywhere in the house that I go. Wifi means internet everywhere. It means I could sit down with good intentions and wind up surfing the web. I will make the rounds between email, message boards and Facebook and go through the loop until something new registers. I need an intervention.

I can watch Hoarders and fold clothes (this has been a weekly habit), I can watch Netflix and Hulu, and the thing is, I will likely never catch up with the things I want to watch. There are a ton of TV series that I mean to watch and don't because by the time I get to it, they are two or three seasons in, and I am left in the dust. Online you can find these series and OD, instead of a 7 day break, you can gorge on the stuff, one episode after the next. I recently found a link to Madmen (thanks to my BFF) and I started in on that one. I claim to not watch TV but I guess I do. I try to accomplish other tasks, like cooking (set the laptop on the counter and go to town) and chores (set the laptop on the bed or dresser and fold clothes) so I don't feel too bad. Those are sort of mind numbing activities anyway, so it's alright if I accompany that with a bit of entertainment.

Writing requires my full concentration. I can't deal with noises or knowing that someone may need me to do something for them. I need a space to myself and a block of uninterrupted time to accomplish anything. I envy people that can focus on writing with a TV blaring or sitting in a Starbucks for the day. I can not. I often say that I couldn't have gone to college anywhere but where I went and make it out in 4 years because I am too easily distracted. It's like the world is run on distractions--commercials, multiple links on the internet, applications that can provide entertainment over the drudgery you're experiencing. I know some of it is my own fault. I don't want to write because sometimes it feels like a chore. Sometimes I feel like I won't finish what I know needs to be done, so I put it off for another day.

What the...?

I just read that NBC is moving Jay Leno back into the Late Night slot. Just what the hell--did Leno make a deal with the devil? Is there some kind of prenup with NBC? The 10 O'clock show bombed, so now they move him back? To his old job? And they give Conan the shaft, like he's a red-headed stepchild?
I watched Leno regularly when I was in El Paso and the shows started an hour earlier than they did on the East Coast. I liked it, but after awhile, it got stale. I prefer Conan O'Brien's humor--unfortunately I don't watch the show because I get up around 6 for my j-o-b every morning. I can laugh at Leno, but O'Brien will put me in hysterics, and it's mostly because the jokes come at his own expense*. Besides, that, who doesn't love a man with hair just like Herbie the Elf's? guess he made one too many too many cracks about NBC's poor ratings.

*and because I harbor a secret crush on him, but that's between me and the three of you that are reading this

Let the Ray Bradbury Theater marathon begin

I am a fan of the original Twilight Zone, and a few years ago, I broke down and bought the entire collection on DVD (Thank you, Amazon). Actually, what happened was, I had a baby and I couldn't watch the marathons held on New Year's anymore. I reasoned that I could have my own marathons this way.

I was also a fan of:
Tales from the Dark Side
The Hitchhiker
Tales from the Crypt
Alfred Hitchcock Presents
The New Twilight Zone
and...
Ray Bradbury Theater. All of these shows* have their own feel, but most of them involve some kind of science fiction and plot twist. Some have aged better than others (I think the Twilight Zone is dated, but in a cool way, unlike some of those series from the '80s). I bought this from Amazon, and get this--the collectable tin with all of the episodes inside is a few dollars less than the same collection without the tin. You get 1571 minutes of show for $16.49 AND a collectable tin. That's just a little over 1 cent per minute! When I compare that to the 3.5 cents per minute I spent on the Twilight Zone, I have to admit--I feel a little cheated.

One of my favorite Ray Bradbury stories was not on his series, but a series called "Wonderworks," which ran on PBS. I thought about it a few months ago and actually found it on YouTube (thank you, Google). I'm embedding the first part, but you should easily be able to find the next two parts of the story there as well.


*In case you were wondering, I never could get into Outer Limits and I've never seen Night Gallery.

I ask you

Who would wear these (and no, not as a gag or a dare, but with a straight face and the belief that this is fashion at its best)?

Anytime, anywhere

Check out this link.

Pay close attention to the woman in the car in the upper left hand corner.

I wasn't shopping for barf bags, incidentally, I just happened to type "ebag" into my handy dandy Google search thingy and that was one of the links that came up. I was trying to do some online bag browsing and curiosity took me there. Who knew they sold actual cloth bags that you KEEP for times when you need to throw up. But not only that, doesn't it seem like you have to do a lot of unfolding and preparing before you actually yak into the thing?