Unsolved Mysteries

Something has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now. It’s nothing of extreme importance, just an enigma that has been interrupting my thoughts during the slower moments of the day. What I'm wonder is this:

Just what in the hell is going on with Jermaine Jackson’s hair?

You know, Jermaine, possibly the second most famous male sibling of Michael, who put himself back into the spotlight. Every time he was in front of the cameras, instead of listening to what he had to say, I squinted at the screen, attempting to figure out what part of his hair was real (if any) and what was going on with the rest of it.

I have a few theories:

Shoe polish—this made for a great option for dyeing Barbie’s hair, it might work on real people too.

Latex paint: If you tape off your borders, it could work

Tattoo: Expensive and painful, but this saves hours of time getting ready in the mornings. People do this for eyebrows and permanent eyeliner so why not hair? Is Sy Sperling is purposely keeping this hair loss solution from us so he can stay in business?

Joe Gigolo wig: This seems to be feasible, though I imagine a head could get hot under that thing.



And what about the top—is it real hair? A toupee? A lid from a jar of Jif, painted black?

I am going to confess here: Dynamite was the second album I bought with my hard earned allowance (After Cyndi Lauper’s “She’s So Unusual.”) I wasn’t a Madonna or Michael fan so I blatantly went for the alternative options. Now, looking at that album cover, it’s clear that Jermaine wasn’t so much an alternative as he was a knock off, shamelessly copping his brother’s style. So maybe the hair thing is an extension of that, the way we wondered about Michael’s face, we wonder about Jermaine’s hair.

Or not.