Cheap Fun

Courtesy of the Thinkbabynames.com Random name generator:

Bluebell Stetson
Rufina Patient
Athie Brucie
Wren Madison
Beyonce Kia
Nefertiti Angle
Diamond Seema
ZsaZsa Fina

Bacon and eggs

On my LinkedIn account, I clicked a few links to discover that I am three degrees from Kevin Bacon. Interesting, right? No? He also spells “Bacon” in his listed email address with a zero instead of an O. So apparently some “lesser” Bacon already took the Kevin.Bacon username. Then again, if you were Kevin Bacon wouldn’t you have your own set up? Like you wouldn’t need gmail or yahoo as your email domain? Maybe this isn’t THE Kevin Bacon, despite the film credits listed in the profile. Waaait a minute, this is probably not Kevin Bacon at all. More like Kevin Fake-in’. Yeah, I know. Nothing gets past me.

I am still considering the self publishing route. This is after years of believing and sometimes outright stating that self-published authors are hacks. Here comes the backpedaling: things are changing and people are hiring their own editors, cover designers and people to format their books. Sometimes authors that were previously published the old way have decided to take business into their own hands. I have to weigh whether I am considering this to avoid the painful search for an agent followed by the search for a publisher that wants what the agent is pushing process or if I think what I have is good enough to do well on its own. I think I know the answer, and maybe it’s: Try it the old way and if, after a certain amount of time, nothing happens, then self publish. But I know I will need to invest in a decent editor and cover designer first. I do not want to produce a work of crap. I will also have to do something very difficult—self promote. I seem to be able to do this in a resume and at job interviews, and I have to look at this the same way--it's a job. Whatever I do, I can tell you the current method of leaving it on the hard drive isn’t working.

I’ve been avoiding posting because I don’t want to come off as the cranky pregnant lady. I can’t quite explain the logic in my thinking here—wait three more months till I’m just the plain non-pregnant run-of-the-mill cranky lady? Meanwhile we are wasting away in Blogaritaville. While people mean well (yes, I know, they really do, please don’t remind me) they also think it’s necessary to comment on you like you’re public property. Like my husband’s uncle asking him “Is she exercising?” Uh, are you? Would you even care if I wasn’t the life support for someone else? Or random people asking when you’re due, only to remind you that it will be smack in the middle of a hot, swampy summer when August hits (Because really? I had no idea) and then keep harping on it as if it’s a tragedy that cannot be overcome. Did air conditioning and ice water somehow disappear from the earth while I wasn’t paying attention?

So for work, there’s an organizational day (AKA “mandatory fun” event) coming up, and to defray the cost, there are various fundraisers planned. The latest one in our office was chili and hotdog sale at lunchtime, AKA heartburn and preservatives. I did not contribute. Why? This is going to sound petty, or maybe it won’t. As a contractor who works here every day, who is otherwise considered part of the organization when there is work to be done, we have to take paid time off to participate in said mandatory fun. Where I work, contractors are most of the bodies that fill the seats, but when it comes to these events, I am willing to bet we will get many emailed reminders telling us that our place of duty that day is in the office. So it’s perfectly okay to take our money, but not okay for us to attend unless we do it on our own time. Be sure to stay tuned for the whining that will happen later, when shockingly, very few people participate.

Last week at work I got into a yelling match over the phone. Not very professional, I know. I will preface this story by saying the person on the other end started it, and is notorious for being a yeller. She also apparently works from home. I’m going to take a guess that there’s a good reason that she is not in an office environment with other people. Why does she get the benefit of telecommuting because she’s a jerk? But here is the real question—why do people just accept this? Why do people just roll their eyes and say “Oh, that’s just how she is?” One person who overheard me actually knew who it was without hearing her voice on the other end. Another gave me a high five after I hung up. Has anyone told this person that she is *that* person? Does this person realize no one wants to deal with her, that her email messages go unanswered because she is an incorrigible pain in the ass? I’m guessing no. But why is this? It’s not even that she is in a position of power, yet she stays employed and everyone else is forced to deal with it. When I yelled right back, and said I would hang up if she kept speaking to me that way, she calmed right down and admitted she didn’t know she was yelling. And she apologized. Lesson learned: Don’t try to out-crazy the pregnant lady, Mmm-kay?

Mother’s Day was okay. My husband attempted breakfast. This was a “bless his heart” moment. Once upon a time he used to cook for himself and was even competent with breakfast. Let’s just say he’s out of practice. I think eggs are right up there with pizza and burgers on this list of foods that you cannot eff up. I mean, you have to actively try to screw up eggs. And hurrah, he did it. I scooped out my portion of sticky scrambled eggs and tried hard not to mention the perimeter of oil surrounding them on my plate. Okay, I’m lying. I didn’t try that hard. Contrary to what one of my former section sergeants used to say, I don’t really believe there is a need to “lubricate the body.” This is also why I stay away from Popeyes chicken. Later, I didn’t feel so bad when he admitted that the eggs were “horrible.” Verdict: It was a failed omelet that morphed into a greasy mess. This was either an honest mistake, or more proof to support my theory that sometimes men purposely do things badly so the women in their lives will do it from that day forward.

E for entitled

So the other day I took metro to work. I did this for years and most of the time it was fine. I decided to take one of the seats designated for handicapped people and seniors. While I am neither of those, I figured I was safe since I am obviously pregnant. Besides, there were seven other seats occupied by people who, from what I could tell, were not pregnant or in dire need of the seats.

You know where this is going, right? If you know anything about my kind of luck, you know where this is going.

So after a few stops, a woman gets on. I saw her for years and years on the train. I knew from her badge that she worked at the Pentagon. Who knows, maybe she knew me too (I’m inclined to say, probably not). So the train is packed and she’s standing. Then I hear a man beside her say, “Say ‘Excuse me.’” So she goes, “Excuse me,” and points to the handicapped sign over my head. I pull out my earbud.

“These seats are designated…”

This is being said with the lemon yellow SmarTrip card being brandished. She was literally pulling the senior card on me. I’ve seen her whip out the almighty card on someone else before and now it was my turn.

So I stood up (I should have placed a hand on the small of my back and struggled to rise for emphasis) and said “I sat here because I’m pregnant. I usually don’t take these seats.” I sat back down (imagining The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” theme playing in the background).

She says, “Oh, I see.” And instead of turning to one of the other seven candidates, she stands there like she’s going to patiently wait for the next 3 ½ months to pass until I have the baby and she can rightfully claim her seat.

Most people wouldn’t give this a second thought. All I could wonder was why I had been singled out. I wore my gray hoodie over my work clothes because the one fleece jacket that still fits just makes me look fat, and when you're pregnant and feeling fat it helps you feel better to wear clothes that help make the distinction, so I went with the hoodie. But the hoodie doesn't exactly say "Off to work", either. So did she come to me because I looked like schlubby and not on my way to a “real” job?

Or, in the words of my best friend, did she come at me to re-enact a Rosa Parks scene? I want to say probably not. I know there are people that would gladly go back to those days, but I hope the people I encounter are not like that. The thing is, you don’t know, and if you’re not white and this happens to you, you can’t help but wonder.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she just wanted that seat. She usually sits there, and here I was, taking “her” seat. Maybe it’s just a psychological thing. Or maybe she's just a classist/racist.

Run-in

I ran into a former coworker during my walk to pick up lunch on Friday. I was basically laid off resigned in October 2009. I got the quick rundown on how everything has changed (of the twelve people that were on my old team, I think three are left. And two of those are managers. MMm-kay.). Anyway, I told her my company name and she squinted--you know, the way people do when they have never heard of what you just said. I wanted so badly to be smart about it, but I left it alone.

But the thing is, the name of the company I work for is in big giant letters on the top of the building where she works. So either she needs to look up more often or companies paying all that extra to have their name on the building are wasting their money.

Books

Borders filed for bankruptcy. I have mixed feelings on this. I don't want to see a bookstore close and the Borders near me seems to do pretty good business. But they also insist on having the "Black book section." I haven't gotten into how much I hate this. No other group gets marginalized like this, but we're special. And while you're in that section, you will find anything from erotica, to "urban" lit to whatever else people think belongs there. If it's an Alice Walker or Toni Morrison work, I'm sure it will be placed with the "real" literature, but otherwise it will likely be placed with the AA books. To their credit, they did put a Tananarive Due book I read for a bookclub in the Horror section, but otherwise, this type of categorization makes no sense. I know some readers prefer to have that so they can find what appeals to them (if you are only reading books by one group...well...I'm glad you're reading, but you're missing out on a lot), but overall it's not doing black authors any good. So while it's sad that Borders is not doing so well, I would have more sympathy if they didn't insist on a separate but unequal section for "us." I am sorry that writers, especially midlist ones, will be negatively affected.

For the past six months I have been looking into what I need to do to get published. Writing the book doesn't even sound like the hardest part. You have to revise, get beta readers, incorporate feedback, write a query letter (which has to have a hook and enough pull in 300 words or less to make someone want to read more), have a "platform" get busy on Twitter and on the blog (ha) and so on. You have to build a following and then maybe, if someone is interested and the subject seems marketable, you get an agent. Then the agent must go around to publishers and pimp your story. Oh yeah, and then you still have to go on with your day job, because if you get a deal, it's unlikely that it will be enough for your to make a living.

I think what I have is marketable. There may be an issue with the era (early-mid 90's) but other than that, I think it can go somewhere. But this is not enough--I have to sell it to make someone else think it will go somewhere. The main character has my racial background and from what I have heard this is not a selling point. Sad. There is no major "struggle," no details on the history of slavery or the Civil Rights movement, sorry. There are annoyances that are race related that pop up here and there, but you get to know this character's personality first, and she never declares her race outright or constantly talks about it because people generally don't do this in real life. You figure it out by seeing the world from her eyes, and since I believe people are more alike than different, it's going to be a slight change in perspective, but the insecurities, the fears, and the triumphs of someone during their college years are there. I am not sure how to label it. For a liberal industry, there are some issues with white washing covers and being pigeonholed into writing your own race if you are not white. It's made me feel discouraged before I even send anything out.

There are some encouraging changes too, one which affected Borders-- e-book sales. There have been a few authors who are extremely successful going the non-traditional route. I usually laugh at people who self-publish, but some know what they're doing. If you price a book right and get the word out there through interviews and talking with readers, you can do pretty well. I'm going to consider this after the traditional route. Then there are some who self publish and then get picked up by a major publisher--it's not all gloom and doom, but the road seems to have a lot of detours.

Dear Target (AKA possibly the closest thing to an "announcement" as you will get)

When you are selling Maternity jeans, wouldn’t it be a good idea to use accurate sizing, instead of having things run SMALL? Like 2 sizes too small? Yes, I bought the jeans anyway, but only after taking home the original pair and discovering they were cut more like a size 2 than a 12. Making jeans that run small for women that are expanding on a daily basis = not smart. And if the panel was just an inch higher, I could be sporting what appear to be strapless jeans. Not cute atall.

Blog awakes from two month coma, news at 11

So, er, how 'bout them Packers? Uh, Valentine’s day? Happy new year? My resolution is to blog more.

*crickets*

(stop that laughing)