It could only happen to me

Some people get notified that they won the lottery. Some are contacted to recieve an inheritance from someone who died in a plane crash and left no relatives. Some are tasked by a dying widow to donate her nest egg to charity. Some are asked to help deposed Nigerian royalty in exchange for a hefty cash reward. Me? I get this:

Hello.

how are you doing today? i m Pastor Joe from the state Unfortunately I am moving out of the country and cannot take my beautiful(and expensive) male and female Africa Gray parrot with me.they are also a trained Africa Gray parrot. they can really talk well and call people by their Name,Africa Gray parrot they are 100% healthy It breaks my heart, but i must give them away. ONLY TO A GOOD HOME I've already started tarn them perfect Africa Gray parrot-friendly, loving and an overall joy.

Please help me find a good home for them. Thanks,

You are Bless.
Pastor Joe

Parrot spam! Honestly!

Love in black and white

The last two times at Target I spotted them, there, on the racks outside of the checkout aisle, where tempting things are purposely placed: Black and white striped tights.

The packaging indicates that these aren't just any tights--they're Halloween tights, which means get 'em while they're hot! Little does anyone know (okay, some people know) that black and white tights used to be my uniform. I had capri leggings. I had footless tights. And then there were my favorites: the footed tights. My tights/leggings trifecta all had black and white stripes. When I saw these new incarnations, I was looking for a reason...a reason to buy them. And wear them. In public.

They're $5. I could escort my daughter for Halloween and go as...hmmm...errr...

I thought for a moment. Well, I have those Doc Martens I found at DSW for $20 (80% off people!). Uh, I have the Cure t-shirt from their last concert. Um. I could wear my jean capris over the tights and roll them up...throw on a flannel shirt and...

You see where this is going, don't you? I'm trying to sell this costume as a "time traveling teen from the '90's" when it's really just a thinly disguised excuse for me to wear those clothes ONE MORE TIME. It's not okay. It's not reasonable. The tights were cute in high school but I don't have those 14-17 year old legs anymore, and horizontal stripes just don't look good on my girthier grown woman legs. This train of thought is what gets people targeted for "What not to wear."

I still might.

Coming soon (but not yet)

I started another blog specifically about writing (ooo, writing about writing, fascinating) but when I came up with a few entries, it sounded too negative. Basically I sounded like a bitter old hag.

I don't want to start on a bad note. This blog is different because there isn't the pressure of writing. I can post something and move on without too much revising and editing and if it's boring, I can post something else another day and move on. You see? I repeated "move on" in the same sentence--I'm going to leave it there as proof of how unwriterly (or un-edited-ly) this blog is.

I think it's the pressure. If you plan to make any kind of money off of writing, you have to do a lot of build up. You have to promote yourself. Join Facebook and join twitter (notice how Myspace has pretty much vanished from the picture? R.I.P. Myspace, your busy and sometimes noisy pages won't be missed). Ahem. Anyway. You should also have a website, blog regularly and often and oh, yeah, BE LIKABLE so people, you know, want to read what you have to say. The bitter old hag bit only works for Maxine.

Helpful IT tips

Once in awhile at work, the IT department will send out what it thinks are helpful tips. Today's tip highlighted the difference between "Reply" and "Reply All."

Oh fer feck's sake. I'm going to channel Samuel L. Jackson's character from a Time to Kill and say people who don't know the difference deserve to die learn and I hope they rot in hell figure it out before they even think of sending out another email.

There was a one page attachment that explained that "Reply" sends a response to the sender, and "Reply All" sends a response to everyone who got the message AND the sender. It went on to explain distribution lists and choosing wisely when you select "Reply All." I would say everyone should know this already, but then again, if this is being sent out as a "helpful IT tip," I might be wrong.

It's happened before.

7 things you don't know about me (and probably didn't need or want to know, or you didn't care and so on)

I am tagging myself because the blogger that posted this admitted that she will not tag people. Plus I am in a bit of a blog slump, so, shamelessly, I go forth.

1) You know how Meatloaf says he would do anything for love "But I won't do that"?
My that is this: watch Transformers 2. I tried and failed, and was thankful I stopped wasting those minutes of my life the moment I rose from the sofa.
My husband's that is this: Go to a Morrissey concert

2) Morrissey: Love him, even though he is the arch rival of my other love, Robert Smith of the Cure.

3) Am kind of Martha Stewart-ish on some things. Towels have to be folded a certain way before going into the linen closet. Clothes in the basket the floor on my side of the room? Ehhh, I'll get to it. But first, the towels.

4) I like reading memoirs. I didn't realize this until pretty recently. Some people are interesting. Some people just seem interesting. Then you read the memoir and find yourself disappointed.

5) I always believe the odds are against me, but the up side is: when things work out, I am pleasantly surprised.

6) I am a walking collection of nervous habits.

7) I check PostSecret on Sunday mornings to see the fresh new crop of Secrets.

"...I can feel it"

I know it's random. I watched this clip the other day and the lyrics to "Daisy Bell" are in my head.

Also, I love the line: "I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over."