Confick-ted

There was a recent commercial that depicted a young redhead shopping for a laptop. The shopper is in search of a 17” laptop that costs under $1000. Any normal person would have shopped online for something like this, but that doesn’t translate into good television. So they showed the redhead walking into an Apple Store and cut to her exiting, as if she had entered through a revolving door and kept on going.

“Maybe I’m just not cool enough to be a Mac person,” she mutters as she pulls away. The story ends with her in Best Buy giddy over scoring the laptop of her dreams for $699.99. The end.

Except it wasn’t. Some of the Mac lovers were so totally insulted. “They’re not telling the full story!” was the biggest complaint. They don’t have time to delve into a full comparison of service plans, operating systems and hardware. They gave the basics (17” screen, laptop, under $1000) and went from there. 30 seconds is just enough time to convince people not to bother with the Apple store, since you won’t find a computer that fits all three of those requirements. Therefore it’s not worth considering. As a Mac person, I get that.

I also get that no one wants to be told they paid too much for what they have. I know this from experience. It’s painful to see something I bought at the full price marked for less than what I spent. It actually hurts to see the same exact thing for so much less. You feel like you lost. You feel like a loser.

So then the Mac people come back with all of the reasons why their machine can kick the ass of the $699 Best Buy special. You have to do that to feel like you won. It’s why someone will ask for laptop or computer recommendations and there’s a 99.9% chance that at least one person will squeak in just to say “get a Mac.” Or worse, if someone is having issues with Vista, someone else will say “You should have bought a Mac.” As a Mac owner, I cringe a little when I read these. It really does come off as too cool even if I agree. It's not the message that's annoying, it's the “I told you so” tone. So now the person is expected to trash his or her computer and run to the Apple store? Junk it and start fresh? There’s a snideness--a smugness about the whole thing—a superior attitude because Mac people think they’re evolved and enlightened, as they sit on clouds high above the unwashed proletariat that bangs away at the any key while faced with the blue screen of death.

Part of the appeal of a Mac is just that. If everyone really did go out and buy a Mac, the “I’m cool and you’re not” selling point would cease to exist because the whole point of being cool is that there are others who aren't, and if everyone gets a Mac, then what? Some of the people buying Macs are doing so just so they can think of themselves as elite. I still remember the outrage people had when Apple switched to Intel chips. The purists were beside themselves. “Now it’s just another PC,” was the biggest complaint.

I enjoy my laptop. Most of the time it’s problem free. I don’t love everything about it, and I wouldn’t marry it, but it works. The beauty of this country is that we have choices—sometimes it’s overwhelming—but at least they’re there. It was a good commercial because it put the Mac people on the defense--it worked. It didn't even air that often and in no time people were all atwitter. Well it was an ad for PCs--a successful one after the countless "I'm a Mac" ads beat the hell out of Microsoft & Co. Mac owners: if you show that the commercial upset you, then the terrorists have won. Okay, no, but you've only proven their point about the stereotypes of Mac owners. If you want me to list some of the reasons why I prefer a Mac, then I’ll be happy to give them to you. If you go out to Best Buy (to buy a PC, yes I know they sell Macs too), there’s a 99.9% chance that I won’t follow you, screeching that you’re making a mistake--doing that is just not cool.

Welcome To Stankonia (AKA The Apple Store)

Let me preface this entry by saying I genuinely appreciate Apple products. Function is important, but so is form, and I think Apple captures that best with their gadgets and gizmos. I still remember the computer lab from second grade, equipped with nothing but Apple IIe machines. I remember the Mac we used in our high school publishing class. I remember a friend I visited in college, who also had a Mac on her dorm room desk. Even then I appreciated the outward simplicity and the aesthetic appeal that was missing on bigger, clunkier PC desktops and towers, with their busy keyboards, tangled up cords and enormous CRT monitors.

I like to remind my husband that I was the catalyst in the decision to dump our P.O.S. Gateway Desktop for an Apple (this is one part of my master plan to ensure that he never forgets how fantastic his life is with me in it--it's like getting a color television after watching black & white for 23 years). Regarding "the switch", he fought and fought, but eventually he gave in and voila, we are an Apple household.

While I like most things Apple related, boy do I hate going to the House of Apple; in fact, a few posts ago I promised to write about my hatred of the Apple Store. Why? Because it's always more fun to read a rant. No one wants to hear about the love because they don't want the sweet--they want the bitter. This is the same reason why the villians are almost always more complicated and interesting than the heros.

Without further ado, here are my Reasons For Hating The Apple Store:

1) The place is stink, stank, stunk.
Even in an airy mall, once you're two steps into the Apple store, you're confronted with the funk of the ages. After the iPod came about, Apple was no longer a secret held close by a few. This means the stores are swarmed with people, and also, their various degrees of stink. My husband likened it to the way Zion must smell (from the Matrix). The city was home to thousands of people, stuck deep underground, living in cavelike dwellings with limited resources. Think of the logistics of that. Think of the stink. I'd say my husband is not far off in his assessment.

2) The Genius Bar.
First of all, what is up with the name? I can take Geek Squad or Dorks on Call, but Genius Bar? Do I need to ask what that implies of the rest of us? Is insulting the customers the way to go these days?

And now, with the influx of new Apple Customers, you can't even get a same day appointment at the Genius Bar anymore. Boo.

3) Some of the "geniuses."
Technically this belongs in the previous complaint, I know, but in my warped little mind it's a separate issue. The last trip I made to the genius bar involved a cracked case on the MacBook I bought two months earlier. I couldn't believe it happened. I went online and found that this is a common problem. I clicked through a bunch of photos of cracked macs--there was even a group on flickr created specifically because of this problem.

When I took it to the store, the "genius" assigned to my case smugly informed me that the crack formed because I was closing it too hard. O-kay...somehow the 5 year old ibook I replaced took the beatings just fine, but this new laptop was a delicate little flower. The funny part was that one of the MacBooks that the "geniuses" use was cracked in the same exact place as mine. Case cracked closed: It's a design flaw. It would have been better for this "genius" to admit that instead of blaming me.

He took my laptop and I received it two days later, repaired for free under the warranty.

"This has a reinforced plastic case now," says the genius, "it should be fine."

Well guess what--three months later it's cracked again (okay, this is turning into a product complaint, but what the hell, I'm going with it). I guess the reinforced plastic lasted an additional month of use before it gave out. I hesitate to return to the store because it doesn't affect the computer at all, it's just aesthetic damage, or, in the words of Monty Python's black knight, "'Tis but a scratch!" In the meantime, I have a bandaid holding things together. I'll get it fixed; I just need to go on a day when I have some built up nasal congestion so I can deal with the stink. Or else I'll send my husband to do it (ah, the beauty of being married--you can send your spouse to do your dirty work. Bonus points if he or she actually likes doing it.)