Feminine Energy Doesn't Pay The Bills

In the past year, I've seen a lot of commentary (okay, usually on a social media "reel") about what men have to do to make sure their woman remains "in her feminine energy." I think I get the gist; in non gender identifying language, the implication is that the man needs to ensure he is a safe environment so the woman can feel relaxed. My skeptical side sees how this language became gendered and the implications that surround applying a gender to one's "energy" become a slippery slope.

This kind of language then gets applied to life. Several years ago, my individual therapist informed me there was a backlash against "independent women." It sounded so fringe and bizarre to me at the time (about six years ago, I didn't even know about the term "manosphere" then). Who wouldn't want an independent woman? Who wouldn't want someone who arrives capable of paying their own bills and looking after themselves? This sounds like a perk, not a handicap. The increase in articles about the "male loneliness epidemic" occuring at a time when women finally have enough freedom to be able to support themselves is not a coincidence. In my own later in life single experience, I prefer someone who is solid company and consistent in treating me well. If they are also able to buy nice things, that's a perk, but not a requirement at the top of the list. The man has to provide, but when we shift from financial to emotional providing, it's treated as an impossible, unreasonable ask.

The backlash becomes tearing down women. We're "masculine" for simply being adults living on our own and paying all of our bills; for not needing a man. That's a sad statement; being needed is a low bar. Why not strive to be wanted, to be valuable in presence and not only for a paycheck? Much of the message to men is simply to not be like women. When we mind our own business, women get threats like, "Have fun dying alone with all of your cats." Women finally see this isn't the insult it's intended to be; 1) dying alone with cats (in peace) isn't the worst thing in the world and 2) see "male loneliness epidemic." It's all projection.

There's hand wringing about women earning degrees in higher numbers than men. When you hear whispers of ending no fault divorce or public figures stating out loud that they support one vote per household alarm bells should be sounding. When you have to hobble half of the population to hold on to power, that's not a win. I'm reminded of the white people whining hypothesis in the '80's and '90's that black people possess an unfair athletic advantage because enslaved people were "bred" to be stronger. The retort to that complaint was simple: elevate your game. Go to therapy. Learn how to have a healthy relationship. Confide in your friends (if you don't have any, make some). Stop treating sex like an act of domination. Unlearn the societal script that tells us women are inferior to men. Challenge the thought that anything leaning "feminine" (to include feelings) is to be mocked or disparaged. Insecurity commonly masquerades as superiority and gives itself permission to step on others in order to stay on top.

I'm not "masculine" for earning a salary that allows me to pay my bills without a man. I don't know when being an independent adult became equivalent to having XY chromosomes. I don't know why anyone would pine for the days when women were more like hostages than equal partners in their marriages. When we encounter opinion pieces asking if women ruined the workplace, I'm reminded of the blame Eve gets for ruining paradise. Women also got blamed for "ruining" the Service academies, the military, and every other realm where we were previously prohibited from entering. Instead of examining whether these places were ideal in the first place, or seeing what women added to improve things, by default, accommodating women is seen as a loss. What we fail to address is how everyone loses when women are expected to sacrifice their ambition, potential, rights and self worth so men can succeed.