Every year I ask my kids to give me a list of things they would like for Christmas. In the beginning it was a list to give to Santa, but both of them have long since aged out. My younger kid believed in Santa until she was about eight years old. I tend to think she wanted to believe at that point, because when her older sister pressed, her belief morphed into believing in the "spirit of Santa." We aren't religious, so the holiday wasn't centered on Christianity or going to church, but instead spending time together and exchanging gifts.
My younger kid had only one item on her list: an upgraded version of her portable gaming system, which had a fairly hefty pricetag. I struggled with this as unemployment means more money is flowing out than coming in. I told her I could get it for her, however she may have to wait until after Christmas.
Meanwhile, my older kid provided a lengthy list of not-too-expensive things. What I didn't expect was that the older kid would try to convince my younger kid to ask for an older handheld gaming system that isn't manufactured anymore. Later, in moments when my older kid wasn't around, the younger one would come into my room and share that she knew what her sister actually wanted: the no-longer-manufactured handheld gaming device. The device wasn't on the older kid's list, but her persistence in trying to convince her younger sister to get one served as a glaring hint.
When her dad asked if she wanted an updated version of her gaming system, she quickly devised a plan: she would ask him for the no-longer-manufactured handheld gaming device instead. My younger kid made quick work of looking up used devices and when she found one that fit her specifications, she sent the link to her dad. She intended to regift this handheld system to her sister while knowing that she would not receive her gift on Christmas. She could have easily asked him for her gaming system and moved on; she was more motivated to surprise her sister.
Given events that I won't get into just yet (stay tuned for that), my younger kid has not been eager to spend time with her dad. When he reached out to plan their gift exchange, she agreed to it, knowing it was a necessary step to acquiring her sister's gift. They went out to lunch, exchanged gifts, spent time together, and she came home, victorious. "She has no idea" my younger kid would say, as a sly smile spread across her face. She was so pleased with her cleverness and the use of deception for good.
I don't necessarily condone deception, however Santa Claus is an elaborate hoax that adults perpetuate year after year. My sister described a feeling of outrage and betrayal upon discovering the big lie, to the point that she spoiled the secret for me when I was only five years old. I could expand this to say the adoption of pagan traditions, and placing Jesus's birthday suspiciously close to the winter solstice on the calendar is another example of that deception, but that ground has been covered. So, the disclaimer is, deception is okay if it's done for good and ultimately does not cause harm.
In early December I opened a letter from my home loan company which contained a check compensating me for the excess in my escrow account. This amount was close enough to the amount of money I needed to buy the updated version of my younger kid's gaming system. A quick online search showed me which retailer had the best price and in minutes I purchased the new system.
We exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve, and even then, in front of her sister, my younger kid proclaimed, "She has no idea!" "And neither do you," I thought.
We opened our gifts. Weeks earlier, my younger kid handed her phone to her sister so her sister could read a text exchange between her and her dad. The younger kid nearly had a meltdown when she realized the link and discussion to purchase the haldheld gaming system were in the text conversation, and for a moment she worried that her sister had seen it. She hadn't. She was completely surprised by the gift and immediately turned it on and began toying with it.
My younger kid opened her gift and was also completely surprised to discover the replacement to her portable gaming system. I had never given her a time when she could expect to receive her gift, and she didn't know circumstances changed and I had some financial breathing room to buy it.
Sometimes these tests of character show up without any set up or orchestration. Learning that Santa Claus isn't real isn't the only shift in maturing at Christmas. Another shift is when kids are less excited about what gifts they'll open and more excited about giving a thoughtful gift to someone they love. My younger kid could have easily gone for the certainty of getting the gift she wanted by delegating the task to her dad. She was willing to postpone her own gift indefinitely and prioritized getting a gift for her sister instead. I would be dishonest if I took credit for her actions, and I don't know if the 14-year old me would have been selfless enough to forego a gift I wanted so my sister could get the gift she didn't expect and didn't outright request. As a parent, witnessing the evolution of a kid who was once excited to get gifts from Santa to one who was more excited to surprise her sister was the gift I never anticipated.
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